Whenever humans connect, a bond forms. We often view these bonds in practical terms, such as working together, making plans, or enjoying each other's company. We also think of them in static terms like "we are married," "we are best friends," or "we are teammates."

These tangible expressions can also be seen in intangible terms. Connections like "wife," "child," or "loved one" simplify our interior landscape of connectivity. If they were made visible by an artist, these connections might look similar to a map with towns linked by trails, roads, and highways representing the bonds between us. These paths symbolize the active connections that keep our relationships flowing.

Over time, these connections change. They might start as small footpaths and grow into large highways. Bridges may need to be built, and seasons might affect the traffic. Couples separated by military service or careers can stay bonded by experiencing their connections as still active, even when physically apart. Friends can reunite after years and pick up where they left off, and children can move away from their parents without losing emotional warmth. These are examples of "bridging behaviors" that keep relationships relevant despite physical separation.

Our bonds are highly adaptable, even in catastrophic circumstances. Research suggests that those who survived the Holocaust, for example, were often driven by the desire to reunite with loved ones to stay alive. This bond provided a powerful motivation to endure.

Psychologist Jean Piaget described "object permanence," where infants learn that people and things still exist even when out of sight. This understanding helps reduce separation anxiety and teaches us that separation is survivable and can even enhance our appreciation of reunion.

How does this relate to grief and loss? While death brings a painful separation, the intangible bond with the deceased remains. This bond may no longer function in physical terms, but it can still be present. We might not share meals, but we maintain a rich interior relationship.

The concept of "continuing bonds," introduced in the book Continuing Bonds: New Understandings of Grief, challenges Freud's idea that mourning requires cutting ties with the deceased. Instead, maintaining a continuing bond can enrich our present lives.

I've expanded this idea from "continuing bonds" to "evolving bonds," where we actively engage with the deceased through rituals, conversations, dreams, activities, and other practices.

Evolving bonds might include things like adopting the deceased's behaviors, integrating their presence into our lives, or gaining insights through contemplation. This is highly personal and will look different for every grieving person. This dynamic relationship keeps the deceased relevant and meaningful, enhancing our ongoing lives and well-being.

These evolving bonds show that love and connection persist beyond physical separation. They offer comfort and strength, allowing us to thrive while keeping the deceased as an active part of our lives.

From my heart to yours,

• KG